I Dream of Potter
by TheSecretWeasley5147
Summary: I tend to dream about the adventures of the Hogwarts kids, so here they are. I have a freaky, weird, odd subcinscience, so read this for a good laugh.In this fic we have a homicidal Edward Cullen and a crossdressing Draco Malfoy, and more!RW/HG HP/GW.
1. Vampires and Me

Disclaimer: It came to me in an epic dream, and I own nothing, but we all must give thanks to my screwed up dream subconscious.

I'm only reading Book 4 (Page 153, to be exact) for the first time right now, so I may be a little off. The only reason I know that Cedric Diggory dies is because my cousin saw the 4th movie and said (He was 7)," The guy in the yellow shirt died." My friend that saw the 4th movie said " There was a really cute guy in the movie named Cedric who died. He was so cute that I wish Harry had died instead." That's really big coming from her; she has Harry Obsession worse than Ginny in the first few books!

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"Before we begin the Sorting Ceremony, I am honored to welcome some Vampire visitors from Forks, Washington in the United States. Bella Swan and Edward Cullen." Albus Dumbledore announced.

"Hey, Edward looks like Cedric Diggory!" **(A/N: I had to put that in, because R Pattz played Cedric in the movies.)** a Hufflepuff 4th year cried out. Nods and mumbles of agreement echoed throughout the Great Hall.

"I'd also like to welcome a new wizard here who is going right to 4th year, due to a move from America where she attended Swinezit. Please give Hogwarts welcome to Bubbles Fiveonefourseven **(A/N: This is me, and I am not giving out my real name, so I'm using my penname.)**, the first non-First Year to be sorted at Hogwarts! Please stand by for this historical moment, or I will mumble 'numb, numb' over and over again into Howlers and send them off to you," Snape drawled, lacking enthusiasm. Bubbles was placed in Griffindor and a bunch of other things happened that my memory failed to capture.

Several moments later in the Griffindor Common Room

Hermione wouldn't stop bugging Bubbles for USA information, as she was now," Have you ever been to Washington DC? What do you think of Barrack Obama? Are you opposed to the war in Iraq? Is it true that you call chips 'French Fries'? How much does a jumper co-"

"Hermione! Do you really think that she wants to be attacked with your barrage of questions?" Ron spat.

"Oh, it's fine. Yes. Don't know yet. No. Depends on what your definition of chips is. Finish that last one later." Bubbles answered.

Edward Cullen and Bella Swan seemed to float into the room, their looks like a visual siren-call. Bella seated herself on a leather sofa where Edward joined her. He whispered something in her ear that caused her already pale face to whiten.

Edward walked up to the set of bean-bag chairs where Hermione, Ginny, and Bubbles were sitting. " I'm going to kill you people." He sang in an unnaturally high voice.

"Edward, no! You went to rehab!" Bella screamed at him.

"I'm gonna kill you too, so shut up!" Edward yelled.

With realization that Edward really would kill them, Hermione, Ginny, Bella, and Bubbles ran for Professor McGonagal's office. They found a door that blended into the wall leading to a small room and hid in there.

Once they thought they'd lost Edward, he came barging into their hideout. "I have a knife! And a pink crayon! I'm gonna kill you!" Edward shouted.

Edward then ran into a wall and died.

THE

END


	2. Malfoy is a crossdresser

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry, Hermione, Ron (I wish I owned Ron), Neville, or Ginny. I own Bubbles who is me but don't own Lexi who is actually one of my friends (called Lily in my profile, but I didn't want to cause any confusion.), and she owns herself. And I have a license to the Super Fantawesome Water Hotel, being that my subconscious remodeled and renamed it after a real park I went to. Right now I am only half way through OoTP, but have read the DH epilogue.

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"Yay, yay, yay, it's summer holiday, yaaaaaaaaaay!!!!" Draco Malfoy cheered as he was let out of his last lesson for the term. He took off his Slytherin robe to reveal that he was wearing a green-and-yellow female cheerleading uniform. He used his wand to poof his slimed back white hair into pigtails being held by small yellow bows. He looked a little like Luna Lovegood.

Griffindor students Neville, Harry, Ron, Hermione and Bubbles stared at him. Ron smiled saying, "Glad he's given cross dressing a gander, eh? I believe you owe me five Galleons, Hermione."

Hermione handed Ron the gold. He smirked and blew her a raspberry. She just laughed

Ginny and Dean came running up. Harry walked over to Dean and said, "I want your girlfriend."

"You really want me?! Bye Dean, it was fun going out with you, but I like Harry better." Ginny shouted, running over to Harry and locking her arm around Harry's arm. Dean walked away.

"Awww, the only two people in history to every be stalked by a diary are finally together!" Bubbles cooed.

Hermione looked slightly taken aback. "How would you know they're the _only_ people in history to be possessed by diaries, let alone books?"

Bubbles tilted her head slightly. "History of Magic. I think I'm the only one that listens."

Ron coughed, sounding like he said 'dork' and Neville looked at her like he'd just seen her eat a baby.

"Come on everybody, let's go to the waterpark, Super Fantawesome Water Hotel! We're going to meet my best American Witch friend, Lexi there. She looks just like me, only her eyes are hazel and she has glasses. Her braces are normally a different color than mine, though."

Suddenly, They were standing in the middle of a waterpark, and it was one of the most amazing places they had ever seen. The place was enormous and painted in warm Earth tones. A column with glass windows that appeared to be vacant bedrooms was in a corner by a large slide constructed completely of people wearing Barney the Dinosaur costumes. A large stack of neon green tubes was over by the Barney slide. All in the center of all the slides and such was a giant pirate ship with prankster pirate ghosts firing water at unsuspecting people and what must've been a thousand slides sticking out of it. Considering the fact that the sixsome was taking all of it, they didn't notice a tall blonde girl with brown rimmed glasses standing in front of them, nor the fact that they were all now wearing swimsuits.

"Bubby!" the unfamiliar blonde screamed.

"Lexi!" Bubbles screamed. The two friends hugged, when the girl named Lexi went into a detailed story about her kitten's hairball.

"It had all of this taco meat in it and then a dude popped out of it and started making goat noises. He sort of looked like my cousin, but my cousin has purple skin."

"Let's go on some rides!" Neville screamed as he ran for a large, twisting slide. The rest of the gang followed suit. Once they got to a slide, the lifeguard took their wands, saying something about safety subsection 42bP. The line was large and the slide was tall, so there were several platforms with stairs leading up to one another. On about the second platform, Ron grabbed a tube, which turned out to be hexed. Ron soared out across the mammoth room, still clutching the bewitched inner tube. Hermione dashed out of the line, even knocking a few people over, to get to Ron before he crashed.

"Ron! RON!" Hermione screamed in a bloodcurdling screech as several massive tears swam down her face. Ron was suddenly hurled into the pile of inner tubes, but not before he ricocheted off of a window. He landed with an 'oomph' and Hermione screamed. Oddly, no attention was drawn whatsoever. She was right by Ron as soon as she could be, and apparently had the idea that he wanted his hair flattened, for she was caressing his fiery hair and freckled face haphazardly.

Since this is one of those dreams where nothing makes sense at all, the rest of the group stayed back during Ron's incident. There was plasma screen TVs on all of the staircases to make peoples waits more enjoyable. As if. When they got off the ride, they found some Swarovski diamonds and stuck them in their butts.

Suddenly everyone including Ron and Hermione were sitting at a smoothie bar. Everyone got monkey brain smoothies.

Bubbles's cell phone rang. "Oh, hi Mom! What? Really! Oh, no! I'll be right over!" Bubbles looked scared. "I need to sell a couch to Voldie ("Gasp!" said everyone) or else my dog will explode! You have to come home with me!"

A puff of purpellow (a cross between purple and yellow) smoke surrounded them, when they found themselves in a room in the hotel where a woman was sitting at a laptop playing the Sims. She was around 45, much too old to be playing the Sims, but no one said anything.

"Bubbles," the woman said, " You need to enchant one of these couches to come out of the game so Fluffy doesn't explode." Bubbles ran over to the laptop and enchanted a couch. The couch was made out of toilet paper. It turned red, and disappeared. Bubbles mumbled the same incantation again on a tastefully colored couch with deer antlers on it. As did the toilet papered couch, it turned red and disappeared. As her last attempt, Bubbles summoned a pretty pink floral couch. It did not turn red, nor did it disappear, but Voldemort showed up in a pillar of smoke.

He appraised the couch for a few minutes, and said, "I'll take it, and I am changing my name to Lord Moldybutt."


	3. I annoy Voldemort greatly

I had a weird dream, so I figured I may as well share it over here. I apologize for any confusion, because I changed my name from Bubbles5147 to TheSecretWeasley5147. I'm still calling my character Bubbles Fiveonefourseven,  
mostly because TheSecretWeasley5147 would make a WEIRD name. And forgive me if the spacing and alignment is weird or off, I have to use notebook, and it has a bit of a mind of its own.

xxx Bubbles's POV

Harry and I were running through the parking garage at great speed (hey, it's a dream, of COURSE it's a little off), knowing well that this would be our final confrontation with Voldemort, that we may lose our young lives right here, right now. Voldemort's pasty face appeared in front of us.

"AVADA KA-BUNNIES!" Voldie yelled. Yeah. My subconsious gets Harry Potter spells wrong.

Harry narrowly dodged Voldie's blow, and yelled, "I give up!! You do it, Bubbles!"

Voldemort looked at me, anxious to Avada Ka-bunnies me and make another Horcrux. I thought of all of those who died trying to get what I am about to do. Remus and Tonks will never know their little son, Harry will never know his parents. With all of the anger bubbling up inside of me, I yelled the first sarcastic thing that came to mind.

"I LOVE YOU, VOLDEMORT!!!!!!!!"

xxx 30 minutes later Hermione's point of view

I'm in shock. I'm excited, but in shock. Bubbles killed Voldemort by sending him into enough rage that he killed himself just to get away from her. Not that I exactly blame him... I guess he doesn't like younger women. 


End file.
